She finally found him. A lover AND a friend. She’d wondered for a long chunk of life if she would ever find such a man, someone who both adored her and wanted her, who she adored and wanted right back. True, she had never lacked for adoration from men, they just didn’t WANT her….or, they adored her and WOULD’VE wanted her, if they weren’t gay. Or they wanted her and did adore her, and she adored them but, well, she didn’t quite want them.
Or, and this didn’t happen often (actually it was only truly ONCE, but, once was enough) they wanted her, and had her, but they (or he!) didn’t adore her. Hell, he didn’t even like her! But he sure liked having sex with her. And, truth be told, she liked having sex with him too….it hurt her to the core, however, that he didn’t like who she was, that the desired adoration was never going to come, and that their affair would forever be distinguished in HIS mind as “friends with benefits” (misnomer that! How could you possibly be friends with benefits if you weren’t, and never would be, friends?)
And so she left.
After that she had a false start or two…okay, only one…with a man she knew she could adore, a man who was incredibly hot, and a man who…yeah, wanted her friendship! Damn! All she could do was laugh! (though laugh through the tears was more like it.) She spent a minute and a half, metaphorically speaking, in despair of ever finding that magical “one” before she picked up her battered ego, told her negative self talk to shut the hell up, and soldiered on.
Then there he was, just like that. Talk about magical! He just showed up! Standing in front of her, tall, dark hair, green eyes, the kind of guy she’d always dreamed of. And SMART! Oh man was he smart. On the night they met they talked and laughed till dawn . And then, as the sun was rising and they were saying their goodbyes…he kissed her! It wasn’t a long kiss, or particularly steamy, but it was a sweet kiss, full of promise, and it made her breathless. He wanted her! There was no confusion there…there was no talking till three in the morning for nights in a row, followed by four million texts, only to find, after days of hope and befuddlement, that this was one more of those guys that would adore her, but did not want her. No, no, this guy was definitely into her…he courted her, he held her hand, he kissed her, and the kisses grew more passionate, leaving her breathless so many times that she wondered how she had enough oxygen in her to stand.
Wonder of wonders, she liked, wanted, and adored him too! They had both chemistry and compatibility, that perfect duo. They were well suited for each other, balancing each other yet still similar enough in likes and thoughts to continue having those talks late into the night.
And his MIND! Omigod, his mind! Brilliant and sharp, and so very witty, she was breathless from laughter as well as kisses.
His body…oh his body! The thought of it made her weak, and the things he could (and would!) do to her…oh! His touch! His touch always made her tingle, and those kisses…The intensity of it all was almost too much, and it scared her, not because she didn’t want it, but because she wanted it so much and she was afraid the strength of her desire would scare him in return and make him go. She hoped against hope that the intensity wouldn’t spell the end of it, like it had before, so many times, with too many men, the fires of passion burning bright then burning out.
Well, that was then, and this is now…
The thought of him still makes her smile, the memories of those days bringing warmth to heart and mind.
And even still, after all these years, with her hair turned white and her life mostly past her…she’s still breathless in the midst of his kisses.
The End…and The Beginning!