I am pissed off! And more than being pissed off, I am pissed off that I’m pissed off! I so want to be done with this! I want to put all these emotions behind me and move forward! Is everyone as sick of hearing about The River Guy as I am of spouting off about him? Urrrggh! I am bloody well tired of him. It was such a short time spent with the guy, now I’ve been broken up with him longer than I was with him. Enough already!
But, I do know that anger is a necessary step in the healing process, and I gotta tell you, I’ve got it in spades! I hadn’t thought about him in, well, at least DAYS…but here I am, at the friends house south of Seattle, the place I was just before I left for Oregon where I met the Jackass! (Wow! Yep! I’m angry!) So I guess that’s why my mind is drawn to this particular topic…I might as well just go with it, and get it all out! After all, it’s better than the “meh” attitude, which is akin to ambivalence, and I sure as hell do NOT want to get stuck in THAT particular lovely emotion! (or, would that be a non-emotion?)
Time to excise this man from my soul! He never knew me, he never bothered to get to know me, he judged me on the basis of external similarities to other women, he swept me off my feet, then found me lacking…in a pot-smoke-haze, so what does he know!??!!!!!
(you know, I think back to his stories about how he met his wife, how he swept her off her feet, but how she fought back at the rapidity of it all…it occurs to me that he probably wanted me to have doubts, subconsciously anyway, wanted to “win me over”, all that kind of crap, the mighty hunter having to lure his prey, blah, blah, blah, blah- blah! Well, FUCK THAT!!!!!!! I don’t do that game playing bullshit! If I like you, I like you, and don’t try to sweep me off my feet if you’re not going to carry me the distance! Oooh I’m angry! Geez Louis, what a dickhead! What a child! What an immature FOURTEEN YEAR OLD BOY!!!!!!!!
Done, done, done, done, done, done, DONE!!!! Go away evil man, get out of my mind, vacate my soul, flee from my lovely heart. I don’t want your’ ghost there anymore! Today I’m thinking of an old exercise wherein you have an imaginary sharp knife and you cut the invisible cords that go from soul to soul betwixt and between yourself and the person you want to let go of…I’m sure I will be doing this exercise all fricken day!
But, I’m going do that one better! Tomorrow, as I drive past the freeway exit to the road that goes the forty or so miles to his house, I’m going to visualize the vision of him breaking apart, pixel by pixel until he’s left my heart, left my soul. I wish to be done with him!
(I’m betting I’ll do this past Portland, past Salem, past Eugene, past Ashland, HELL, maybe all the way to California! Whatever it takes!)
So sorry about the rant! I promise, no more talk about The River Guy! That topic’s boring!
But…wish me luck, would you?