About The Equinox, The Dark Moon and Our Girls Ceremony:
The Vernal (or Spring) Equinox is all about resurrection. It’s not just Christianity that views it that way: Ancient Egypt had Osiris, The Mayans had Quetzalcoatl, Anglo-Saxon Pagans had John Barleycorn. It’s about rebirth, life and growth. It’s the cut-off point for the dark half and the light half of the year. It symbolizes enlightenment, in both the physical and the spiritual sense…but it’s deeper than that. It’s the enlightenment that comes after the hard work of toiling in the dark places….you’ve gotten through it, babe, now enjoy the sunshine!
The Dark Moon(also known as New Moon) is similar: It represents what’s hidden from view, what’s underneath. Now, many books on Moon magic and Wicca state that it’s about destructive forces, or banishing, but Our Girl doesn’t look at it that way. She’s a gardener, you see, and from her knowledge of plant cycles and pagan lore, she sees it as a time of working underground, of roots forming. It’s the spiritual prep-work of what we’ll see growing in the light later on. It is both the end of an old cycle—full moon to new moon; and the beginning of a new cycle—new moon to full moon. It’s when the Moons power has bottomed out and is now on the rise again. The moons power grows and grows until it reaches the next full moon, when it then begins to wane.
So, Our Girl cleared out a space, cleaned the house (HIS house!)and set up an altar of sorts, a place to celebrate the coming of spring and the growth and vitality it brings. She bought sweet pea seeds, and thought of a ritual wherein she planted the seeds, naming them as symbols of the male and female aspects of the love she wanted in her life; She envisions the seeds sprouting; as they grow, these individual plants turn towards one another, leaf by leaf, tendril by tendril, intertwining, growing together, closer and closer until they are wrapped together, like the arms of a couple embracing in love. All this takes time, this turning this growing and growing closer, but it is worth it as the beauty of love blooms.
“I wish I had the talent to draw this!” she thinks “With the vines becoming the bodies of a loving couple, the blooms their faces. Not only would it be a gorgeous and evocative picture to hang on a wall, it would also make a lovely and profound tattoo!”
In devising her ritual, Our Girl was careful not to put a mans name or face to the love she wished to draw. She had done that before, to disastrous results!
Remember the sociopathic alcoholic we talked about a few chapters back? Well, she used a love spell to “get” him, took it right out of a book on magic. It used the powers of the moon and candles and symbols. She didn’t really know the rules about these sorts of things, way back then, what guidelines to follow, she just had an inkling that they worked (a few years earlier, during an awful heatwave, she and her friends, as a lark, decided to do a ritual to make it rain. No rain was forecast for the foreseeable future, but the next day….it rained!) so she figured she would try it on this guy.
And it worked!
And boy did she wish it hadn’t!
They’d been an on again/off again thing for seven years. He lived in Southern California and she lived in Northern California, so, they saw each other three or four times a year. She didn’t know him that well, even during all that time. He was always on his best behavior during her visits, showing off his most charming self (and, lets face it, both alcoholics AND sociopaths are stellar at the charm thing!) She didn’t really know who he was so she filled in the blanks with her imagination. He became, in her eyes, her fairytale prince, her Warrior Lover, her Sensual King. Oh, she filled in those blanks really well, you know how Our Girl loves a good yarn. The stories she created included past lives shared, mysterious numbers (the number seven was abundant in their union, the most spiritual number, according to numerologists), signs from the universe (as I’ve told you, our girl is crazy for synchronicities. She can’t walk by a coincidence without stopping to say hello.) Yep, they were soul mates, destined to be together!
Don’t judge Our Girl too harshly for all this, she was young, and terribly-terribly naïve! In this day and age, with all the wisdom that experience can grant, she calls what she did back then “Making a Myth of the Man” and it’s something she tries really, really hard not to do.
When she moved down to So-Cal, she figured they could finally be together! There were glitches in his “availabilty” at the time, so she waited (and did her spell!)
Finally it was her turn, and…
In the seven months they were actually together, he introduced his real self to her over, and over, and over again, completely blowing apart all of her well crafted stories of who he was and why their “love” was so special. He lied. Constantly! He’d lie about what he had for breakfast just so he could get a lie in before lunch. And he cheated on her. Once, twice, three times, probably more. He ignored her at parties and flirted with other women. He was rude to her friends, angry all the time, and he was a drunk. A mean, nasty drunk!
She left to save herself, and vowed never again to use ritual to “get” a someone she wanted. From now on she was gonna let the Universe be in charge of the “who”!
So, this time, all these years later, Our Girl left The River Guys face out of her visualization, his name off of the requests for what she wanted in a relationship. She was careful about all of this, she knew she had to be. She didn’t know whether this sort of thing worked because there actually WAS magic in the candles and moon, or because the ritual helped set intent in her mind and psyche (which was more along the lines of what she believed now)(though that couldn’t quite explain the rainstorm of that long hot summer 35 years ago, now could it?) She did know, however, that it was absolutely WRONG to manipulate someone else’s will in her quest to have the life she desired…and, if you did so, you better be ready for some very harsh consequences!
So, she did nothing to manipulate The River Guys will…but she did ask for one tiny little favor:
“Goddess, if we’re right for each other, please help smooth things out between us and restore our communication…but, if things are not going to grow between us, let me know…oh, and please make the answer clear so I can understand it!”
Our Girl did her ceremony, and planted her seeds to grow…in sodden, sticky mud from the garden! She would’ve preferred dry soil, or even damp earth, but all she could find was the mud. Why oh why was she in Oregon? She loved snow, and hated rain, and here she was, in a place where water poured from the sky like a garden hose. The mud would have to do…but, for crying out loud, why couldn’t she find one measly bag of potting soil in this house? The guy grew pot, for fucks sake, there should’ve been at least one bag.
So, she planted her seeds and she waited. And waited. And waited. And the seeds…did nothing. She placed her pot of precious seeds in the “sun” every morning, and brought them in every evening, dumping off the inch or two of cold water that had been collected during the day.
She supposed it would’ve been better to keep them inside, but there was no place to put them that got enough light and warmth in her trailer…and she couldn’t very well leave them up in his place, now could she? Oh, he had stated on his dating profile that his religion was “other” and that he was “very serious about it”, but she found in reality that it was mostly a stoners vague concept of karma. “I believe we’re on this earth to help each other out.” he sometimes stated. Well, that was a nice philosophical tenet, but she would hardly call it a spiritual belief system….and, when she had excitedly told him about the the branches of trees that she could see from the bed in her Airstream, chris-crossed in such a way to form a perfect 5 pointed star, he gave her a blank stare, his eyes glazing over.
“You don’t really care, do you?” she asked.
“No, not really.” he answered. “If you had told me anytime other than just as the show I’ve been waiting to watch was coming on, I might, but right now I don’t!”
(the show was either on shooting or cars, he was nothing if not predictable.)
She felt slightly embarrassed, and she realized that despite what he had said on his profile, and his occasional mentions of “Karma” and “Mother Earth” they were miles apart spiritually.
Leaving her little mud and seed filled pot in his living room was NOT something he would understand!
So she continued her daily movement of pot to outside, then inside, with a pour in the middle.
And she waited. And the seeds continued to do nothing.
The sun finally came out, and the mud dried out….perhaps that mud, compacted as it was, had gotten so hard that the little seedlings were having trouble pushing their way to the surface. She used her fingers to gently loosen up the soil. She found a few of the seeds as she did this. They hadn’t rotted, that was a relief, but they hadn’t sprouted either. She hoped that the warmth from the finally emerging sun would do the trick.
She held on to that little pot for two months, and the seeds never did anything…
Guess she got her answer from the Goddess, didn’t she?