I saw a cute guy at Safeway last night. I think I glared at him. I’m sure he wondered what I could be thinking, as he looked back at me with a rather puzzled look on his handsome yet scruffy face.(yum, forty-ish, dark hair, could’ve been a carpenter, doing some dinner shopping after a long day pounding nails. You all know how much I love carpenters…) I’m sure his thoughts went something like this:
“Why is that woman glaring at me? Geez, she could be cute if it weren’t for that scowl….”
Whereas my thought process was more like:
“Wow, that guy’s cute…DANGER WILL ROBINSON!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!!”
Yep, just seeing an attractive man freaked me the hell out!
See, it’s been a morose couple of days for me. After the glow faded from my last day with The River Guy, I was left feeling more than a little bit depressed. Now, I ask you, who glows when they’re leaving? You’re supposed to glow at the beginning, maybe even a little in the middle, but at the end? Who DOES that? Well, besides the two weirdos, myself and this man I just left. I have to tell you though, the glow was well deserved! We spent our last speck of time with each other really enjoying, really loving each other. We even declared our’ love for each other, finally, after all the bullshit we put each other through. That was during the night before I left, but, again, just before I backed the Airstream out of the driveway he said to me “I DO love you!” So I glowed. I glowed bright and I glowed clear. I glowed for 5 straight days….
Then the glow faded and I was left with a morose dash of confusion:
So why, pray tell, if we love each other can’t we be together?
Your’ guess is as good as mine. I really don’t know. I don’t know what happened or why it happened. I know the reasons he gave me, and those I gave him, the reasons that changed everytime we talked about “it”, but I don’t know what really happened. I just don’t. I just do know that I left, and he didn’t stop me, or even try. So, we love each other, and it’s over. Go figure…
I guess our communication got wonky (guess? Yeah right! KNOW is more like it!)
And then there’s the fated, set in the stars aspect: my friend Alwyn, the psychic and astrologer practically yelled at me “What were you thinking? Starting a relationship in the middle of a Mars Retrograde? Those NEVER work out!”
Well, guess she was right on that one, * sigh *.
I even started writing him a letter last night…then I went back to playing spider solitaire on the computer. It just seemed like the more productive thing to do!
This morning, though, something curious happened: As I was laying in bed I found myself having a fantasy about the cute, scruffy carpenter-ish guy from Safeway. And you know what? Suddenly I didn’t feel so morosely confused.
Ohhhhhhhh….this must be how NORMAL people do it, how they get over loves that don’t work.
(by normal people, I’m talking about those who are not as dramatically-romantically inclined as I, those more inclined to live the Rom-Com life, as opposed to throwing themselves off the emotional cliff, “Wuthering Heights” or “Jane Eyre” style…that would no doubt be me! I am however, attempting to get to that Rom-Com place, the tragedies are just so tiring…)
Now…what do I need at Safeway?